Answer This Questionnaire

or else

Please rate the following statements from 1-5, 1 being not true at all, 5 being wholly true. On the basis of your answers, you will be allowed to continue as you are, or relocated to darkest Peru, Elon Musk’s moon colony, the capitalist winning team, or the alien experimentation bunker in Nevada.

I have the necessary resources to cope well with life.

I trust my government systems to work.

I have healthy bowel movements without straining or crying.

I often sneak cigarettes.

My friends would describe me as well-adjusted.

My dogs look terrified when I start to cry because they know where this is going.

I smile when I see men so that they feel comfortable and not judged. #notallmen

Rage regularly overtakes me, undermining the stability of my life.

If boiled slowly and without extreme suffering, I will accept my fate.

I can say the Pledge of Allegiance without making this face :/

I can say ‘that’s fine’ even when I’m on the verge of passing out from rage.

I understand the need for conformity.

I wear underwear every day.

I’m proud to be exhausted and overworked because it’s what grown ups do.

I eat toxic chemicals and that’s okay.

As I grow older I accept that people 20 years older than me are the ones with the knowledge, even though 20 years ago it was people my age with the knowledge, so basically I will never truly trust myself, and that’s fine.

I love bad rentals.

Home ownership is a realistic goal for all hard workers.

As the bearer of children I accept that I have less rights than men who make children and never see them again.

My inner being is at peace no matter what horrific injustice is occurring around me or to me.

Yummy snacks, tv streaming, weed and sex are acceptable alternatives to health care, affordable housing, work that pays enough, and rights.