Ever and I set off for LA toward my oldest daughter Lola’s apartment with high hopes. Months ago I plunked down more money than I could afford for three tickets to Taylor Swift’s ERA’s concert with the saying “spend money on experiences over things” in mind. A lifetime scrolling between poor and lower middle class has made me a frugal person- I do my own hair and nails, don’t buy new gadgets until I’m forced to, buy clothing rarely, shop at thrift stores regularly, cook at home, and spend most of my money on living here in this suburban heaven where we are blocks from two parks, one of which has a stream and train, and the grocery store, movie theatre, hiking, community pool, coffee shops, and restaurants. What little is available to spend goes mostly toward my youngest child and some to my older kids. We have one of the best school districts in the country and are one of the safest towns, as well. The cost to live here is High, and with kids, worth it. When I do get infusions of money, it usually goes to bills. But this time, when I got a birthday gift check, I spent it on concert tickets.
My oldest daughter ( now 21 ) has listened to TS since she was 12 Years old, and after a few years, I became a fan as well. My youngest ( 12 ) has listened her whole life. None of us had seen TS in concert, so the three of us going together seemed like the perfect experience. I spent two and a half hours refreshing my phone and got wonderful seats. Joy!
My car did not feel this joy. As we got off the freeway and entered LA, it began emitting what was unmistakably a death rattle- a noise so loud and clunky people stared at us as we drove by. I spent the last five minutes before we pulled up to Lola’s apartment coaxing the car to make it there. After lugging in our baggage, the car was towed to a shop run by friend’s of my daughter’s boyfriend’s family. The call came swiftly: the car was past repairing. “Give it to a charity for parts”, I was advised.
I love my car. It’s been my sanctuary through the last five years as my marriage was struggling and then died. The year before we separated, I spent many hours sitting in my car in the driveway after arriving home, unable to make myself go inside. My daughters and I spent the first year of Covid driving aimlessly listening to music, just to get out. My car was the only place I had when my home felt too sad to endure. And after my separation, my car gave me to ability to go to the local gym whenever I could fit it in, a place where I could workout and boost my mental and emotional health.
I have also recently started a new job as a part time bookseller at a store too far to walk to, and a side business I’ve been nurturing as a parent coach and leader of a teen anxiety workshop, and I have an important in person meeting coming up with all of the members of the literary agency that signed me and my novel. All of this was immediately on my mind in LA after I received the phone call that my car was done.
I was also on the tail end of my period, and feeling wan and tired and moody.
But the show must go on! So I decided to put my energy into staying calm and present to enjoy the concert I’d been looking forward to for months. Lola, Ever and I set out on foot to the local Goodwill store, and ended up having a great hour looking for dresses. Ever was critical of the dresses I chose, being a little Alex P Keaton as we call her, by nature; she is a conservative at heart and doesn’t approve of her sister or her mother wearing body con dresses. There were no dressing rooms so the girls crowded around me and yanked and pulled to get my dress over my Jean shorts before I decided I had a winner. We trudged back to the apartment with a bag of clothes.
Ever was Folklore and Lola and I were Lover. We spent a few hours getting ready in stifling heat: August in LA with no air conditioner. I had been sick for five days before and took two Covid tests, one the day I left, both negative. But with the heat and stress, I started to feel worse, to the point where I seriously considered not going. I knew I’d regret it, and forced myself to rally with Lola administering vitamin c, Advil, and oregano oil.
We Ubered to Sofi stadium and walked in early. And Taylor Swift gave us three hours of unadulterated joy. It’s hard to explain the effect of her music and this particular show, but it has a lot to do with the consistency of her music making over such a long span of years. Album after album, she has expressed the experience of being a woman, from girlhood to youth to early twenties to maturity, from innocence and hope to friendships and betrayal, from insecurity to accommodation to claiming selfhood, from love to heartbreak to commitment to letting go, from grief to fear to meaning. Many artists have made a good album, Taylor has made good albums over and over and over for 15 years: you can depend on her music, it’s something to look forward to. She released three albums since 2020 alone.
She also grows as an artist- she’s been country, country-pop, pop, and then with the release of Folklore, folk-pop. Her storytelling has grown and elevated leaps and bounds, her voice just keeps getting better, she plays piano and guitar and writes all her own music. At her concert she sounded amazing while dancing in heels for three hours.
She is also the queen of catchy hooks and gorgeous sounds- I could name tens of songs that are irresistibly singable and relatable and lovely, songs that bring a specific mood and along with their sound, change your mood. Because of her tendency and talent for deliciously catchy lyrics and choruses, she has made some bad songs that sound like Disney cliches, but so what? This is going to happen when you create so much art.
And then there is the work she puts into connecting her albums. Her fans have grown to love the Easter eggs she puts into her songs, albums, videos and even the artwork for each album. There is a connecting call and repeat to her work, despite her changes and growth, that signals from all great art. Phrases repeated, themes explored from new perspectives, call backs to her old point of view- these give heft to the total body of work.
And then there is her persona and the way she treats her fans. One example: a huge fan had her son Ronan die of cancer at four years old. Taylor saw this online and reached out, giving concert tickets and attention, and eventually wrote the song Ronan in honor of the little boy who lost his life. She pays attention to her fans in a caring and smart way without being too available or too present, which would put too much focus on her and remove some of the power of her music.
After long years of isolation from the pandemic, this concert, which drew people back to their younger selves and all the years of memories sewn into listening to these songs, brought us all together where we could sing and remember and feel. Catharsis. Seventy thousand people singing every lyric along with Swift was like church.
After the concert things just continued to go wrong for me, and the entire weekend was really pretty awful. But it was worth those three hours and the memory of that concert with my girls. Ever and I finally arrived home at nearly midnight after a train ride and an Uber with six large, heavy bags we lugged up and down steps and down hallways and in and out of transport. We fell into bed and dreamed of a chorus of women all singing together.
I'm sorry things are so tough for you right now and hope you catch a break!