THE THREE with Alicia Cook

An interview, a photo story, and Pop-Up Questions

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Alicia Cook is a writer from Newark, New Jersey. She has published three poetry books with Andrews McMeel Publishing, her most recent being 2020’s Sorry I Haven’t Texted You Back, a Goodreads Choice Awards Nominee. Her writing often focuses on addiction, mental health, and grief – sometimes all at once. Her essays on the topic of drug addiction have been seen by millions of people across the globe. Her advocacy was the subject of the documentary “A Family Disease” on PBS a few years ago. She is currently working on her fourth poetry collection. Follow her on Instagram: @thealiciacook 

POP UP QUESTIONS

The writer picks five out of ten pop-up questions and answers them.

What do you think about when you are awake at 3 am?

I have always had trouble falling asleep – 3 in the morning… I hope I am sleeping by then. But what keeps me up, in general, are sometimes the most mundane things. Like, I suddenly wonder where a shirt I haven’t seen in a while is, or if I know where my passport is. Sometimes anticipating a busy day ahead of me keeps me awake. But then deeper worries sometimes sink in, like if my biological clock is running out and I start Googling.

What writer romanticized being a writer for you as a young person?

Funny enough, writing has never been romanticized for me. If it had been, I don’t know if I would have pursued this professionally! The writers I was drawn to at a very early age were Poe and Plath. I still read them frequently. What drew me to writing, besides the fact that the desire to write things down was inherently inside of me, was that I saw people writing from their own perspectives, with their own pain, and I saw how something so personal could become universal and resonate with others who might not be able to express themselves in such a way.

How has technology been a part of your writing?

I don’t know if I would have a career as a poet if not for Instagram. I joined when it was a bunch different app, so my experience with it doesn’t really translate well today, but it’s the truth. I wrote an essay in 2012, posted it to Tumblr, and it went viral. At the time I didn’t have social media outside of Tumblr – I had just created an Instagram account. Strangers on the internet who liked my essay asked if I had more writing they could check out. Around that same time, I had noticed that some artists had begun posting their artwork and poetry on Instagram. So, I started doing that. And the rest – the big following, the lit agent, the book deal, the best-selling books and awards, the blue check mark – all came from that decision to just start. I am very grateful.

What music do you love on road trips?

Taylor Swift. I’m very excited about her new album in October. Mac Miller, he was a prolific genius and we lost him way too soon. Otis Redding. Big Sean. Holiday Music (no matter the time of year). And then anything that hits me in a nostalgic way. 

What occupies your mind most often on being a woman in America?

How much time do you have? I’ll say this, Eliza Fletcher is only the most recent woman who went out for a run – only to be abducted and murdered – and she is being victim shamed because she was running “too early” or “alone” or “in a sports bra.” As someone who regularly runs in a major city in the U.S., this infuriates me and breaks my heart. I run with one headphone in, with a tracker on at all times. I change my routes and times. On an average 6-mile run, I am whistled at and hear truck horns beeping most of the stretch of my run. And, it’s only done to make me feel uncomfortable in my existence. IYKYK. Every runner I know who happens to be male does not think about any of this. Women, and anyone who has been historically marginalized or underrepresented in any way, should be able to live their daily lives without fearing for their lives. But that’s sadly not the case. I was taught survival tactics from a very young age because my mother must have known nothing was ever going to change and that I was going to have to navigate in THIS world. The system is broken.

PHOTO ROLL STORY

The writer picks a photo from her phone and tells us about it.

This is also the first photo I ever posted to Instagram.

I believe in signs. I believe the universe will nudge you to keep going. You just have to keep a look out for these messages.

I was in a movie theater parking lot with my friend. I could barely stand my life at that point. I felt like nothing would ever get better. 

I looked up, and here was this stop sign. Telling me, "don't stop believing." I snapped a photo of it. We listened to the Journey song on the way home.

I also have this photo framed and it's in my house. A constant reminder. 

THE INTERVIEW

The writer answers questions about her life and work.

I found your latest poetry book, Sorry I Haven't Texted You Back, in the poetry section of Barnes and Noble. I sat down in the aisle and read the book with a happy heart. It's such a beautiful feeling to find a new poet that you love. How did this collection of poetry come together?

Thank you! I love when people just stumble upon one of my books in a store at random. It makes me feel like my book was meant to find you that day! With this collection, I was done romanticizing the mess of the mind, ya know? I set out to write a poetry collection on mental health and how it impacts not only just the individual but the people around them too. It was very important to me to honestly depict how mental illness affects romantic and platonic relationships. That’s why the first poem in the book is about that.

The book was written between July 2018 and February 2020. I was about six months into writing it and still didn’t have a title. Then, I wrote my now-viral poem “Sorry I Haven’t Texted You Back” in early 2019. I knew that would be the title. It’s something we all say.

An interesting false narrative this book has taken on is that it was written during the pandemic. It wasn’t. The book was locked by mid-February 2020. I date all my books, but still, a lot of people seemed surprised that the work wasn’t born from the pandemic. The truth is a lot of us experienced issues with our mental health – and have experienced anxiety, PTSD, and depression long before 2020. Sadly, the global prevalence of anxiety and depression exponentially increased due to the pandemic. So now, more people understand what it’s like to live alongside these things.

You write so clearly about mental illness, and addiction. There is such an important crossroads where we fail to treat both well in this country. What changes are at the top of your mind that you think would make a real difference?

When I first started advocating for families like mine that were directly impacted by the effects of drug addiction, I had some lofty goals in mind. I thought that the number of lives lost would come down as more people like me started talking about it on the local, state, and national levels.

When my cousin Jess overdosed and died in 2006, I think the number of overdose deaths in America was, like, under 27,000. When my articles on the disease of addiction started going viral in 2014/2015, over 52,000 people overdosed and died. In 2021, over 100,000 people.

So obviously – it’s easy for me to say putting myself out there and fighting like hell made no difference. More and more people keep dying – and scarier things are being introduced that weren’t even a thought when my cousin was alive, like Fentanyl.

But I didn’t need to give up; I needed to reframe WHY I advocate. I speak up to help other families. To improve things on a human level. Every time I speak at an event or panel, parents line up to share stories with me about the child they lost to drugs; they even gift me things sometimes like something from their kid’s room. Siblings who lost siblings, people who lost their partners. I receive messages every single day – and they say their names and share their story with me and I listen and remind them that their lives matter. Families need a voice more than ever because the death toll is so high. More grieving families need to know they're not alone. That's why I do what I do.

We are never going to CURE addiction – but we can help people going through it. And I will never stop.

You lost your cousin to a heroin overdose, and have been advocating for drug addiction awareness and treatment since. Can you tell us a little bit about your cousin's story, and how her love and loss impacted you as a writer?

Right now it’s September 15. Jess died on September 19, 2006. So her death date is coming up. I always get a bit reflective around this time of year. It’s even harder this year because her mom – my aunt – died this past May, sort of suddenly.

Jess was like any other teenager in the early 2000s. She was the first really amazing person I met that became addicted to a substance. So very early on I knew that if it could happen to her, it could happen to anyone.

She was always motivating me to write, even back then. And one of our last conversations, she suggested I write about drug addiction one day – because she often felt the sting of the stigma attached to the disease. Especially back then. She wanted me to help change the perception. And I think I’ve done that to the best of my ability. But stigma, prejudice, and discrimination against people with mental illness or addictions are still very much a problem.

I just hope I made her proud.

Do you ever have a 'hangover' from being so vulnerable and sharing your personal life with the world, and if so, how do you address it? 

Yes. I often have to take social media breaks. Especially if I write something that a LOT of people connect with. Because my DMs blow up or the comments get really…heavy. And I love that I have become a safe space for people to share their stories, but reading them back-to-back sometimes causes me to spiral. There is so much pain and injustice in this world and my empathetic heart soaks it all up like a sponge! I’ve learned that breaks help me process what I am hearing better. I do my best to write back to everyone too because I know what it’s like to feel isolated. Connection is so important.

How has your life changed because of the pandemic?

Great question. My life has changed a great deal. I started running. Literally the second day into the pandemic I decided I was going to commit to running almost every day. I run over 100 miles a month now. I’ve gotten into a better routine – I take vitamins now and drink enough water. I don’t think I would have been able to start taking care of myself like this if not for the pandemic. It gave me time to re-evaluate a lot of problematic habits I had developed.

The biggest thing that wasn’t because of the pandemic but that I am proud I maintained throughout the pandemic is that I am sober. I don’t drink. Haven’t in over three years. It’s definitely the best decision I’ve ever made.

What are you working on now?

I am working on a new poetry collection. I think you are the first person I am telling outside my immediate family and friends! Hoping to have it ready in late 2023 or early 2024.

How do you take care of your curly hair- it looks amazing! 😊 

Thank you! I don’t do anything special, it’s mostly genetics (thanks, Mom). But I DON’T add heat to my hair, ever. I maybe get it straightened once a year. I don’t brush it unless it is wet. And I only wash my hair like every 3-4 days. Conditioner and detangler are my best friends. I get my hair cut twice a year.