Facebook Friend Requests During a Genocide
" one love " " we all deserve kindness " " self-care, self-care, self-care "
1To every thing there is a season, and a time to every purpose under the heaven:
Going through my Facebook friends requests for the first time in months. I look at one and realize without meaning to I am scrolling their timeline looking for posts about Palestine.2 A younger-than-me ( late 30’s ), good-looking Jewish, male writer has friends requested ( FR for repetition) me, and I get a tiny stab of dopamine. Maybe we’ll be friends, and flirt, talk about writing, about life, and he’ll be smart, engaged, and morally upwards ( this is in place of morally upright, where none of us live, and in the place of direction instead- where we head, where we point ourselves, where we push to be, what we care about- morally upwards) ), and outside of the box of self. But he’s posted a glowing review of Jerry Seinfeld, and he writes that he agrees with his views on anti-Semitism, and as I know where Seinfeld stands on Palestine/Israel, I know where FR stands, so I delete request. Did he request me to argue? To send me messages? To tell me why I should support Israel, Zionism?
A time to be born, and a time to die; a time to plant, and a time to pluck up that which is planted;
Next is the profile of a writer, wellness coach and white woman my age. I am 49. I click on her profile and scroll. Scroll, scroll. First post is about how it’s the summer of her ( insert her name ). It’s her summer, where she’s going to devote all her resources, love, compassion and time to herself. I would have posted the same thing in my 20’s, when I was still deep in recovering from childhood trauma, and had zero sense of community given or received, and a dark heart toward humanity in general, but to be fair to younger me, I also would not have posted that I worked to take care of people’s mental health and hearts while staying silent during genocide that I knew about. Next post is about the mixed salad she ate for lunch, which has too many cucumbers. It just does. Next, her garden. Next, a post of her doing a yoga pose and breathing in deeply for peace and love. Not a single post about Palestine, or any other human being, or even books. Delete.
A time to rend, and a time to sew; a time to keep silence, and a time to speak;
Onward to a name I recognize, a white man I was friends with for a few years in my 20’s, when I was in AA. He was maybe eight years older than me. He tried to sleep with me fairly religiously ( ah, the wit! so subtle, so… witty! ) which was comprised of intensely close physicality at all times, whispers in my ear of my '“intoxicating sexuality”, told me a uneccesarily long story about how he and his recently ex-gf used cool whip for a sexual act and then realized the next day that cool whip was on the family table for Thanksgiving dessert ( I was physically repulsed hearing this story which is why I remember it 20 some years later ), and fairly constant bragging about how how much money he had. Once he drove me home from a meeting and point blank asked me why I was with my boyfriend if the boyfriend had no money, when FR could support me in the way I deserved? I had a boyfriend but allowed this kind of aggressive hitting on me to go on all the time. That’s another essay. So I look through his page, curious. He looks great, better than when I knew him even, bulked up in a way I love in men, healthy, smiling with a lovely brunette woman I presume is his wife. He’s a pastor. He is a Christian pastor. He lives in a small town and preaches the word of God and a love for Jesus and all his teachings. Scroll, scroll. Nothing about Palestine. Not a word, a repost, not even a milquetoast ‘no sides’ image of ‘all children deserve peace’. Nothing about Sudan. Nothing about, say, the opioid crisis, or I don’t know, anything outside of his own life, or even a deeper look into the meaning and truths of his own life, which seems important, if you are speaking the word of Jesus. Images of him preaching, of his white, adorable church, an image of the outside of his cabin, beautiful and charming, strung with lights, casually expensive looking. Go in peace, but Delete.
A time to cast away stones, and a time to gather stones together; a time to embrace, and a time to refrain from embracing;
A younger white woman, nose ring, posts of her very lovely breasts in a bikini, a long rant about community building and social justice goals, artwork ( hers? not sure ), a link to an article about Gaza with a ‘this must stop’, photo of her dog, FRIEND.
Black man in his late 40’s?, accomplished, very snazzy dresser. Scroll, scroll, he’s posting about his dog, his interesting job, reposts an article about race in literature, another about anti-colonialism in- I hit FRIEND.
Next: white man, newspaper writer, married with little one. Then I see that his wife has my name and his baby has the name of the baby in my novel, which is a very unusual name I’ve never heard of anyone online using before. This is so bizarre to me. What!? Then I see he’s posted an interview with a doctor returning from Gaza and talking about the horrors they witnessed. FRIEND.
Next, a white woman in her late 40’s. She’s accomplished and seems intelligent and very engaged in life. She has a wonderful smile. Her first posts are about animals, a shared article about being in your 40’s ( oh! got her age wrong ) kids, things I relate to. I just don’t see any reason to hit friend. I’m looking for people who are speaking out right now. I guess it’s that simple. Delete.
A time to rend, and a time to sew; a time to keep silence, and a time to speak;
I used these Ecclesiastes out of order.
I used to just accept all friends requests, but I let them pile up so much that it feels ridiculous to sit that long and hit accept, and also, I’m trying to actively connect with people who are speaking out against the genocide in Gaza, and / or people who are deep into their art making, and they don’t post much of anything but that. What I really can’t do right now is people’s pages who are all about mental health, emotional wellness, children’s health, ‘spiritual healing’, and who haven’t said a word. To me, the contrast between words and actions in that particular setting is just too jarring to look deeper into.
I will always support the freedom of speech.